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March 6, 2013
Many have heard of the rags to riches stories that fill our Cabalvision brand Crystal balls, who can forgot the wonderful win of Suzan the Boil, herald of nurgle in Simon Cowl's 'Xtreme Factor' ? Or the 10,000,000 gold crown win on the National Lottery by elderly Slann Croaks Mcgee ? but nothing fills our hearts with joy more then this latest atestment to the fact that hard work truly pays off. Donork Top.
As many of you may know Donork Top is currently the Old worlds fifth richest being (narrowly beaten to number four by Lotzacash the garden development king), however many DON'T know how he reached such a position. We came to find this story.
It all began in the early 2300's when Donork inherited his fathers rat farm, "Ratz wuz all we knew" the 800lb Ork told us "Me Grandpa farmed 'um and his Grandpa, not really sure 'ow many more but lots". Rats at the time were a niche food stuff, reserved mainly for Orks and Goblins due to the inherent distaste they have for most other forms of meat. "Can't beat a tazty rat" said a random ork interviewed in the street. (In fact our more long-term readers may remember the poll we did in the last millennium, wherein 80% of the Ork population voted that even IF they liked the other forms of meat they would still stick with rat). Struggling in a Ork-beat-Ork world Donork took out his frustrations in a way unusual to most Orks, coaching. "I turned up wun day at da field, dey said 'yoo wanna join our team ?' I said 'naa, but i'd show ya 'ow to block 'em real 'ard' after that we had our first game, it wuz fun, not often ya get to knock a few 'eadz about AND use ya brainz..."
Donork was mostly a insignificant coach however and his team 'Da Trumpers' lost more often then they won. However this was all about to change. Two things coincided to cause this, first of all the event know to most Blood Bowl players as 'The Specialist Game' wherein internal issues in the NAF caused 90% of teams to immediately be disbanded, this was then followed my the more commonly known event of 'The Meat Crisis'. As many knew the Cattle borne disease 'Mad Gor Disease' was running rife throughout the food industry rendering large swathes of meat un-edible , however when the disease unexpectedly jumped species to fowl as well it caused several large cities to begin to starve, here is where Donork stepped in.
"I'd lost me team, it wuzn't a good time, I'd tried to focus on something else....beer brewing and squig racing mainly.... anyway I den get lotza 'umies walking into me store trying to buy meat...well who am I to say no to a sale ?" After several months of continuous outbreaks of Mad Gor Disease Donork became the largest meat supplier in all of Altdorf. The money was rolling in, and even when the disease was (thankfully) cured the residents of the city had kept their taste for rat.
After two years of continuous sales a now wealthy Donork looked back to Blood Bowl, hoping that his sport had finally solved it's own internal issues. Thankfully they had and the happy Ork created a brand new team known as "Orks and Fists" , this team enjoyed more success then his last. But now Donork could do something that no coach had done before. He bought multiple teams. "In my leeg da stunties just kept losing and losing and I thought 'what da heck, I can do a better job den there coach". Surprisingly the Ironbreakers (Donorks dwarf team) have taken to their coach rather quickly. "He's got stacks of gold bigger then the entire team put together !" exclaimed one team member, after this he also invested alarge amount of money into the Ogre team "Goldgatherers". This magazine asks Donork if he intends to buy and coach any more teams ?
"Right now ? I don't know, maybe later, dem Skaven are good, also da elves and vampires...maybe even those lizards"
March 22, 2013
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